Lost Words

Goghst has joined This Plague of Dreaming netlabel, to release my best cohesive work to date. The LP, You’re A Little Paranormal will be available this week and can be downloaded from the above link or here, upon release.

Now I must go celebrate!

-Godspeed

My blog has hit the 600th visitor mark!

Concerning Goghst:

I have a whole album ready for you. It is everything I have been trying to make since the begining of the Goghst project. All the sounds I have crafted and all the ways I’ve learned to make them have givin birth to my dream inside a dream inside a nightmare.

The album is titled “You’re A Little Paranormal”.

This time around I have a Casio, bringing more depth, I’ve bettered my drum-machinery, and I’ve found scores of royalty free samples to round out ideas. Everything is to my liking, tracks are named, numbered, album art is ready.

Why do you have to wait for it you may ask? Simply because I am looking for a netlabel to release this album through, in hopes of reaching a larger audience, an audience who loves experimentation and ambience and space and dreaming with eyes open. I’ve thrown my demo around to a few netlabels whose ideas and aesthetics match up with my own, and I currently am talking with one in particular. When it’s ready for release, you will be the first to know.

Secondly, label or not, there will be an EP coming direct to you near the same time as You’re A Little Paranormal, or shortly after. It’s half b-sides from the upcoming album, with a few one-shot experiments thrown in. It’s tentative title will be the “Post-Paranoid Depression EP”.

I hope the summer has been treating you all well, and when YALP come sout, I hope you sink into your sheets on a lonely night and take a journey to another world, the world of Goghst.

The Opposite of Someone Great

I find myself walking away
From the spotlight
Wondering what the hell we were thinking
We got lost in a basement
And all my friends are trying college out
It’s like some sort of warning
That I’ve got a problem
I wouldn’t be prepared to wake up
Unless I felt a body breathing
I’d rather be lost inside my head dreaming
And the worst part is my friends they are calling
And I just toss and turn
Tell my phone to shut up
I’ll just tell them I didn’t realize I had a call
And sometime in the late afternoon I wake up
No one is around my home
I almost wish I was still in my bedroom
I stare out across the city
The dog is begging for attention
But I’m not even acknowledging my own desperate cravings for attention
I feel safe for a moment
Eating breakfast at two in the afternoon
Call back my friends and they ask how I am doing
I decide I will lie again just like every time
Because I don’t really think they care
No not as much as they used to
I drifted away and sent goodbye letters
But I’m still in this state
Something great is gone
There was something great between all of us and now it’s gone
So I stagger around the room
Tired and full of desire for the kill
Well no one is around
So I drive without destination
All the same roads
And it’s all instinct now
My mind floods like a loss of self control
And I wonder if I drive of a cliff if it will go well
How long can I go on thinking I am invincible
Before something proves me wrong
And I close my eyes for the last time
Just a body and I’m gone
There used to be a lot to say between us
We used to share new music
And complain about the weather
We should have been better friends back in high school
But time pulls us around
Takes us for a ride
And it’s over before we’re sure that it’s alright
Something great is gone
It used to be in the air of mystery
Every time we went over our fading histories
Some kind of spark that makes two people feel close
Like a best friend until the end
But sometimes the end comes before you know it
You’re stupid, a loser, retarded
You are the opposite of great
Now don’t ever talk to me again
You say to me like it’s so goddamn easy
No I don’t care to go through this again
So I brush it off and it can be added up with the countless scars
From the countless dreams gone awry in this town like a junkyard
I want some attention but not of the negative variety
I will just loath the day as I patiently wait to get away
Walking away from the spotlight
Fade into the background and then the night
Walk away from another stupid fight
Life’s a bitch
It aint alright
Life’s a bitch
It aint always right

Sunshine, Rise… Whatever

Sunshine, sunshine, it’s time to rise
The night is over, a new day
Insomnia, insomnia, a harsh mistress
The wind is blowing, a lit cigarette
Smoke, smoke, breathe smoke
Stare at the twilight, unsettled brain not right
Music, music, you got to turn it up
Soon enough it’s yours, someday all yours
Comfortable bed, corner bed, beckoning
A morning after a long night of nothing
Wish I could say I accomplished something
But no one cares about my rantings
I run circles in my rooms, curses
From under my breath, I roll my eyes
I am starting to buy into my own lies
Ghetto blaster, ghetto blaster
I am a walking dissaster
Sunrise, sunrise, should I pay attention to ya
A sore back and a bag of chips
Morning, mourning, whats the point in wondering
What the hell am I supposed to do now?

I’m devoting the majority of my time to life-improvement right now.

“What do you mean life improvement?”

I mean, living in Idaho sucks and anywhere else is an improvement.

Also, I have two new ideas for Goghst. I am extending an invitation to anyone to remix any of my work. All the download links for my eps and whatnot are on the goghst myspace page.

Next, I want to possibly write a concept album about Catcher in the Rye. So if you are interested let me know. This may also be a long term project because I don’t want it to be like any of the music I have made thus far.

Also there is a new place to hear whats new with my music, goghst.muxtape.com . Whats up there right now is the majority of what will be my next ep, but not the entirety. I am still working on it.

And finally, I would just like to say that calling a friend a loser and stupid and ditching them as a friend because they poitned out a rudeness, is abso-lutely fuck-ing re-tard-ed.

Goodday.

I said good day!

I am throwing another Goghst EP free into the world, read about it on the Goghst page or download it from Myspace, http://myspace.com/goghst

Happy New Year Slumps!

Post Script:

I rounded up more unused pieces and spent some more time editing and put together another disc, check the myspace, and check the Goghst page for notes and album art.

under the tagcloud is a box.net widget containing the Ignore/Rant EP. Feel free to download and enjoy.

Sin cerly,

Goghst/AM

At two am on Saturday, Sept 15th, I got in my car with a meager duffel bag of items and headed on “home” to Idaho. When I got there I told everyone I was leaving on the following Friday. Well, a lot can happen in a week, and I changed my mind several times and ended up coming home only yesterday evening. 12 days in Idaho, and I almost stayed longer. But, you know, I had that “over-staying your welcome” feeling so here I am back in Oregon.

Read the rest of this entry »

I Brood Rain Clouds

Break.
There is a rain cloud over head
Though if you look north west you will see blue skies
Somewhere far off where the sun will set
I am standing 13 stories high
Smoking a cigarette soaking wet
Stare upward
There is a gray abyss
Rain fall down
Is this my home?
Rain falls down
Soaking me soak the ground
High as I can be in the portland fall
Soaking wet so low
Rain come rain fall
Fall down.
Fall down.

There is a rain cloud over head
The rain stops so I decide to have a cigarette
I look at the blue skies in the distance
And the rain falls down on me
Wash me
And if I go
Will this cloud follow
And if I stay
Will I be washed away
In perpetual rain?

Oh, rain fall down
Is this my home?
Rain falls down
Soaking me
Bury me bury me bury me in the ground

I Am Not In Love

It’s true; You are not the one I love
No you are not the one I am thinking of
And it’s true; I can’t even look at you
And it’s true; You make my eyes turn grey from blue
No you’re not the one
No you’re not the one
No I am not in love
And it’s true; You lusted over me, and I over you
But darling you’ve got deep sunken eyes
And I’ve got a deep sunken mind
You are stuck in the gutter
Giving blowjobs to old men
No, I never knew you
No, I would not forget you
No, you are not the one I love
And you ain’t the one I am thinking of
Whe I am up late
Shake and bake and cringe until I sleep
Then wake, repeat
And it’s true, I don’t believe in you
No, I am not so sure what you are thinking of
But we both know you weren’t looking at me
And we both know you weren’t thinking of me
When you went home with him tonight

If you are smart then you will know who you are
But I am sure baby you will look onward oblivioulsy
And it’s not like you were listening anyway
But I had to, had to say, baby
You are not the one I love
No you’re not the one
No
No I am not in love
I am not in love
I am not in love with you
My eyes go grey from blue

Untitiled (Chillin’)

Pepsi in a wine glass and pizza cooked from a box
Taking it easy, gettin’ pretty soft
My mind is like mush and I…
…and I…
I forgot

Well what do you need to say
It’s a brand new day
And everything is still the same
Well it’s a shame
It’s a brand new day, yeah
It’s a brand new day
Drinking pepsi from a wine glass
Black fingers you’re unimpressed
Somebody dreaming and I guess… I guess.. I forgot

Well this model doesn’t come cheap
No, this baby isn’t stock
We’ll pilage and play and then we’ll eat the cake
Turning our minds to much
Like a baby girl discovering the world
And she… and she… she forgot

So I sit in my office
Or my tiny little room
Well it’s got view and
It’s got back yard made of plastic
8 stories above me
And I stand there on slippery railing like, like i, i forgot
And I slip and stumble like I, like I, like I forgot
I can’t fly
so baby girl wave goodbye

I, I am
I, I am
I am running, running
Running out of
Time.


Rain and Wrath

As the rain stops momentarily
I watch it spread it’s wrath across the rest of the city
Yeah, the rain spreads its wrath upon this city
…and to the Suburbs
All the way to Idaho and I don’t know
A city under wrath…
Rain in the city and suburbs
And I don’t know how far it’ll go
But the sun is shining behind me
Almost blinding
But soon setting
Leaving darkness and rain
Wrath for the city and it’s suburbs
Wrath upon the city and the suburbs

When I was a wee little kid and snot was drippin’ out my nose, my mother would hand me a kleenex or whatever was near that anyway, and say, “Blow your nose!” And I could never, ever blow hard enough.
Now that I am a “grown man”, I can blow my nose like there is no tomorrow and empty that sucker out. I have absolutely no idea why I decided to “blog” about something like this but I did. So there. Thats your true story of the day.

Read the rest of this entry »

Lost In Translation

Sometimes I feel lost
And you know how it is
When you don’t know what to say
So just stop
Because we all get lost
I love life and so do you
But we’re both not very good at it
Sometimes we need to just relax

static

Thought Waves

Sometimes I wonder
If you can hear my thoughts
As I say dirrty things inside my skull
Dirty thoughts just trying to get out
But who are you
Just another passenger
Maybe we’ve got some things in common
Am I alone now?
Am I home now?

noise

White Light

Somebody needs to save this man…

(Pumping hearts, thoughts, noises)
…and in that moment, a white light shown
A tunnel before my eyes
And I did not see god there
But now I float on in serenity

(noise)
I haven’t figured out if they’ve brought me back, or if I died…

…voices of ghosts, electric whales (and maybe god)…

Maybe we could work this out
She said, no we can’t
And I said why can’t we even be friends
And she said, we just can’t
Ann Accident, Ann Accident

‘So did you hear about the guy trying to steal the moon?’

Portland

I love to walk down the street
See what I can see
My friends love the entertainment
‘Cause here it’s all free
Just walk down to downtown and you’ll see
Walk by the orgy statue and you’ll see
Get lost in Powells and you’ll see
Ride the max and you will see
And maybe you will see me
Maybe if you can ever find me

(15 minutes of noise)

Bonus:

Scarlett

I know you don’t know
so you’ll walk away
But I’ve been in love
Ever since I looked at the screen
Salmon and green
Lost in the screen
I don’t ever feel better
Than when I dream we’re together
And I felt the same as you
I could see it in your face and eyes
Lost somewhere between space and mind
Do you recall the tears in my eyes
Well, it was just allergies
Sorry to make you leave
But you lead me on
But oh, this is something like love

Open Window Neighbors

There’s this girl who lives on the fourth floor
And when I am myself, an insomniac
I look out and down I see
She sleeps with the light on
Everynight asleep with the light on
How the fuck can she sleep like that?
I turn my lights off
And every day
Adjacent to me
I can look into a room
Furnished but seemingly empty
And every night
Sometime after ten
A man comes home
Maybe from work
Turns on the lights
And within hour closes the curtains
I think he knows I sometimes wonder
Find myself looking in

Habits/Addictions

Wake up
Stale breath
Roll out of bed
Sore bones
And tired eyes
Sometimes I forget
Stumble through the hall
Too the roof to smoke a cigarette
Ready for the day to begin
Well my now that my feet are back on the ground
I’m finding that it’s sinking
My feet are with the fishes
And my head is in the clouds
Need to inhale, forget to exhale
It’s ok, where I’m going I don’t need to breathe
Cause we’re always waiting for the end of the world
But if you knew it was nigh
Would you warn everyone
Or run and hide
Well maybe I’ll just live until I die

Program’s Not Responding

Age of instant gratification
Page isn’t loading
Just want to look at pictures
And type away with friends
But the program will not respond
I’m daydreaming now
Forget about the digital
Get minimal

Game Over

Honking and hollerin’
Car alarm
And somebody shouts
“Fuck off”
I hear a scream
Probably of joy
Well, the game is over
Who won?
The game is over
And this town is loud as hell
Could you please keep the noise down?
I’m not sure if it even bothers me
Well, most the noises
Not quite everything
Turn off the fucking car alarm please…
…and soon another goes off

Black Fingers

Go for a long drive out in the country
Speed along a freeway
God, I love this city
Traffic’s not so bad
Except when the sun blinds your eyes
Traffics not so bad
But, God, parking was hard to find
Spent fifteen minutes trying
But now I am home
And my fingers are turning black
But it’s ok
‘Cause now I can relax

Untitled (Sorry Song) [I don't know if this will be used...]

Broke my fathers back
Sorry dad
I didn’t mean to be like that
Broke my mothers heart
Sorry mom
But I didn’t feel I was wrong
This is an explanation
Not of what wen’t wrong
Nothing has even happened yet
But I feel I should apologize
Because it’s been so long
Now I’m ready to go driving home
To the places I have known
To the places I have grown
So much has changed
So many years
And you were the best parents
That I could have
And I’m sorry mom and dad
For not being what you expected me to be
But I know you understand
I just got to be me