Lost Words

(the following is a short story I wrote when I was not sober in the middle of the night, so in retrospect it’s not as good as I thought at the time, so take it lightly.)

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My mind is cluttered, muttered the mad man. My life is a puzzle, all the pieces falling, so they say, into place. But where is the place and when will I get there and does anyone else care other than I? I don’t know, why, asked the quizzical woman inside a dream. Inside my head. Talking to the mad man, wondering where the ducks have flown off to? And I tell her, I can never love you, you’re not really there, a figment of my imagination, you’re inside here. As I pointed at my head, my imaginary head inside of a dream inside of my real head. Then I wake up and my head aches, my teeth feel fuzzy from all the cigarettes, I don’t brush them, I drink a cup of coffee, stare at the wall thinking somethings wrong with me. Turn on the TV, there ain’t nothing on, there never is, another hour and I’ll be gone. What kind of world is this, when I don’t know who I is, and what kind of cruel life is it, when you’re at the top of a mountain and it feels like rock bottom. I really don’t know, I nod my head with the rhythm. I really wish I could tell you, she said to me, but if what you’re saying is true I am a part inside of you, and I can’t give you any answers that you don’t already know. I told her she was invading my space, making me go insane, to go away. She said, “I can never leave you! I am a part of all of you. I am the goddess and I live inside of all the inquiring minds trying to find thier meaning, thier purpose, they come with living desire, wanting to get warm without touching the fire!” I closed my eyes and screamed at her, told her I only believe in living for right now and I’ll deal with Nirvana tomorrow, I’ll worry about my Zen only when I am low and full of sorrow. She cried, the tears ran straight down her face, a waterfall so beautiful and so full of the worlds sorrow, and for a moment I saw her endless age and a tear came down from my own face. She came up to me with arms wide open, and before I knew it I fell into her embrace. I said, “Life’s so hard, and it happens all too fast, my species is stupid and destroying themselves, every day I feel crushed by the weight of my knowledge, but I’m full of bitter hate because I am not the smartest, I am not the hardest working, I am just distraught and wondering through the desert, limping and sweating and my head always hurts” She said nothing, she kissed me. For one second I could see all of existence, all of time, space and eternity. I awoke in a field, how did I get here? I was three towns over, the last night I was sober, and now I was lost with a chip on my shoulder. When I finally made it home tired and alone I went to sleep, exhausted, and I never saw her in my dreams again.

What it is, is that when I am alone I get claustrophobic within the confines of my mind. It’s just so full of memories, everywhere I turn is another one; I turn left, a bad memory, I turn right and it’s a memory of a great time; but that makes me sad because it’s not one of the great times. It’s not even one of the mediocre times. Yeah, there’s been worse, but in different ways. And one of the most mind-boggling things is that, I am an entirely new person. Literally compared to myself at the age of 14. All new skin has grown, new tissues and the like. But I still remember those times, and I know that I’ve learned so much since then, but damn, who am I now? That’s what I’ve figured out, that is why I can’t sleep. I don’t know who I am, but it’s like I am walking through a giant room of photo albums of myself, and diaries, and conversations; and sometimes even feelings. I am just wandering until I figure it all out, ’cause there aren’t any exit signs in this library.

I spent all night reading catcher in the rye, and man, I got to tell ya, it kills me how I’ve forgotten how much it shaped my latter teenage years. It just goddamn kills me, you know? I Spent all night reading, taking smoke breaks, and – oh, get this, it was fucking snowing like a madman, well, maybe not that bad, but quite a lot for mid april. Then I finish the goddamn book, and you know what? I figured out a bunch of things I relate to now with Holden than I did 3-4 years ago. I wonder if I am a goddamned madman. So the sun rises and I decide to have some breakfast; I was pretty hungry after all that reading and smoking cigarettes. So I made a big breakfast, eggs, sausage, toast, coffee. It was great and I felt good, so I thought I’d go have another smoke, and a funny thing happened, I puked. I don’t know why, maybe I drank too much coffee. I decided to head into town and go record hunting at the Good Will. There is this chick there, a real phony if there ever were one, she used to get pretty sexy with a couple of buds of mine all the time, and we almost got a little sexy once, but she didn’t like me, and she never really has. I was fumbling through my pocket looking for my dollar for the records I was buying and I couldn’t find it I kept pulling out this same goddamned receipt over and over, and then she printed out a receipt that had a total of $0.00 and said here and  had a slight smile, not a friendly one, a total phony  of a smile. I thought she must be feeling good and nice today and I tried to give her a dollar in change I had in my other pocket but she didn’t want to take it so I said thank you and left. Then as I was sitting in my car I thought maybe she was being charitable; maybe she was looking down on me condescendingly. Goddamned phony. I fell asleep at three in the afternoon and I had this insane dream involving a girl I used to go with for about a month, and we were madly into each other in the dream. Then I got punched in the face by another girl I riled up a few days back. Now her and her boyfriend won’t talk to me. It’s rude to accuse someone of rudeness on their birthday I guess. Oh well, they’re kind of phonies too, even if they were my friends. I woke up and decided to go to the super market that the girl I used to go with works at hoping to see her there. She wasn’t around. I smoked about 5 cigarettes between going to and leaving there. God, I’m a fiend. I really am. Some more happened, but I’m not really in the mood to talk about it right now. Nothing odd or unexciting, but it just happened, so why recount it right now? It’s depressing when the only excitable thing you have to talk about is something that just happened to you. That makes your life seem dull. Then you start to miss everybody. Don’t get me going.

Cough Field

Sometimes life is harder than you expect
Face in the dirt hands tied dust in the eyes
And if you weren’t a big man you might cry
Up and down and all around left right upside down
My roots are growing dragging me further underground
The grit and the grime and all the lost dimes
Becoming a part of this leather skin
There is a heart somewhere hidden
Deep inside this tree trunk my torso has become
Branch out and reach the sky you’ll never float you’ll never fly
Not like the clouds in the sky with the silver linings made of lies
I am tired of this growing process but what else can I do
I am getting taller and closer to escaping this atmosphere
But I would rather be running through the meadow than be a part of it
But wise tree’s know they can’t get caugh uprooting
It’d cause a riot in the night animals hollering and howling
The world turns and turns around and around
Upside rightside leftside down around around around
I just want the chance to live that passed me by in a past life

[click more for 5 more pieces]
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The Opposite of Someone Great

I find myself walking away
From the spotlight
Wondering what the hell we were thinking
We got lost in a basement
And all my friends are trying college out
It’s like some sort of warning
That I’ve got a problem
I wouldn’t be prepared to wake up
Unless I felt a body breathing
I’d rather be lost inside my head dreaming
And the worst part is my friends they are calling
And I just toss and turn
Tell my phone to shut up
I’ll just tell them I didn’t realize I had a call
And sometime in the late afternoon I wake up
No one is around my home
I almost wish I was still in my bedroom
I stare out across the city
The dog is begging for attention
But I’m not even acknowledging my own desperate cravings for attention
I feel safe for a moment
Eating breakfast at two in the afternoon
Call back my friends and they ask how I am doing
I decide I will lie again just like every time
Because I don’t really think they care
No not as much as they used to
I drifted away and sent goodbye letters
But I’m still in this state
Something great is gone
There was something great between all of us and now it’s gone
So I stagger around the room
Tired and full of desire for the kill
Well no one is around
So I drive without destination
All the same roads
And it’s all instinct now
My mind floods like a loss of self control
And I wonder if I drive of a cliff if it will go well
How long can I go on thinking I am invincible
Before something proves me wrong
And I close my eyes for the last time
Just a body and I’m gone
There used to be a lot to say between us
We used to share new music
And complain about the weather
We should have been better friends back in high school
But time pulls us around
Takes us for a ride
And it’s over before we’re sure that it’s alright
Something great is gone
It used to be in the air of mystery
Every time we went over our fading histories
Some kind of spark that makes two people feel close
Like a best friend until the end
But sometimes the end comes before you know it
You’re stupid, a loser, retarded
You are the opposite of great
Now don’t ever talk to me again
You say to me like it’s so goddamn easy
No I don’t care to go through this again
So I brush it off and it can be added up with the countless scars
From the countless dreams gone awry in this town like a junkyard
I want some attention but not of the negative variety
I will just loath the day as I patiently wait to get away
Walking away from the spotlight
Fade into the background and then the night
Walk away from another stupid fight
Life’s a bitch
It aint alright
Life’s a bitch
It aint always right

Sunshine, Rise… Whatever

Sunshine, sunshine, it’s time to rise
The night is over, a new day
Insomnia, insomnia, a harsh mistress
The wind is blowing, a lit cigarette
Smoke, smoke, breathe smoke
Stare at the twilight, unsettled brain not right
Music, music, you got to turn it up
Soon enough it’s yours, someday all yours
Comfortable bed, corner bed, beckoning
A morning after a long night of nothing
Wish I could say I accomplished something
But no one cares about my rantings
I run circles in my rooms, curses
From under my breath, I roll my eyes
I am starting to buy into my own lies
Ghetto blaster, ghetto blaster
I am a walking dissaster
Sunrise, sunrise, should I pay attention to ya
A sore back and a bag of chips
Morning, mourning, whats the point in wondering
What the hell am I supposed to do now?

The rain is coming down
But in town it’s soft and slow
The roads turn to slush from snow
My mind is mush
As we get closer to the morning rush
In darkness and anger
Ran away from nothing
Now the storm is coming
The storm is coming in
But it’s not like we suspected
The police lines were tested
The flight attendant smiled
And said they’d be there in a while
But outside were the clouds
Freezing rain and lightning sound
Like its something unexpected
And the coast line was quiet
The lighthouse was wired
When the rebels attacked it
And they realized it’s not so dark
When you turn off all the lights
And look to the night sky
But you were alone in your tower
And now you are dying
The ship meets the reef
And the men scramble home
But there is a captain still out there
The storm is inside him
The captain is coming
And the storm is coming in
We were landlocked
Now divided
We were gridlocked
And your car slided
Into the ditch
Saftey glass in your face
Broken steering wheel on your plate
Lightning for breakfast
And a tall glass of rain
The captain is not coming home
The captain will haunt this cove
Where the ship meets it’s end
And the plane will come down
From time begining
To life never ending
The storm is coming
And no one is home
No one is welcoming them home
The quiet they are keeping
No one is weeping
All survivors home sleeping
They are lost and forgotten souls

I am driving down The Road. I have retreated to an island in my mind, where accidents happen to them, not me. After all, they deserve this, not I. Walls grow aroumd me Like being inside a lung that is breathing.
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I Am Sublime (For A Moment)

If you knew I was dying
Would you turn up the volume and rock out like I am now
Because if you could see through my eyes
You’d see me soaring through the sky’s
I’m consciously unconsciously preparing to die
And that’s the reason we subconscioulsy always want to fly
And if you could see the world the way I do
You would see there’s nothing more left to do
All you’ve got to live and die
So fly when your low, fly when you’re high, fly so high, get so high
If you knew I was enlightened, would it change you?
If you knew I was high, would it change you?
Because if you close your eyes
And you used to dream at night
Well all I see is black and I don’t remember that
I wake up as if I’ve been dead all night
Because I fly so low, I hit the ground
I fly so high I can’t breathe the oxygene
No more atmosphere
If you knew there was no god
Would you look within you?
If you knew I was dying
Would it change you?
If you knew I was lying
What would I mean to you?
No, don’t touch me now.

Sunday Same Day

August ends
September again
A christmas ornament
Haphazardly placed
Falls to the ground, breaks
Pieces of glass on the carpet
Leaving one reminder
Of a relationship that did not last
I feel as if I fall
I’d break into a million pieces, like glass
But I know I am ok
As long as I continue to live
And learn

A Plea From Within…

I think about what’s brought me here
All the things I’ve done
Promises where made and lies unintentionlly shaped
After all I  am the same
I can not change
So I apologize for the confusion
I am a lonely tired person
I just wanted to change my life
But the changes need to start inside
And I’m not ready
Now it’s wither and hide
Someday you will have to decide
Wether to live or die
And someday you will have to try
To burn bridges and throw away your pride
You can only get so low
So skip the trip please don’t go

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You Broke This House, I Am Not Home, I Will Not Move

Darling, won’t you take out the trash
I know broken pieces of my heart
Are strewn throughout the black bags
And when you don’t come back
I know you’ve gone out again
I know you’ll party with the boys
And when you come home
I’m waiting in bed
With those rugburns on your knees
I know where you’ve been
I turn my face away
You smell like alcohol
And when you look at me
I will die just a little more
Until I stand up
I can hardly breathe
And I don’t care to see what’s in front of me
Waste those days and forgot those nights too
Where have you been?
After breakfast I drive you to class in the rain
I don’t know what else to do with my days
And I walk five thousand miles to get away
But you’ve infested my brain
You’re like an alien with malicious intent
A parasite sucking the life out of me
Where have you been?
Oh, god, where have you been?
You’re just a stepping stool
A rag for them to wipe on
You’re just a dirty bitch
You don’t care who’s watching
You left the light on
And I have taken drastic steps
I have rubbed my skin raw with erasures
But these scars are still here
And the words you said still ring in my ears
And I cling to dirty sheets and dirty blankets
I know we’ve all got a lot of dirty secrets
But how far do we go to hide?
Well, our mothers and fathers say they have the answers
But we both know there are no answers to be found
And I died more when I knew you
Than I’ve lived in the years that now begin to pass
It was a long weekend
Long night after another long night
And I got coked out and felt my life fly so low
But I fly so high
Every day I fly, I fly so high
You can’t touch me now
And when you ask where have I been?
I will probably ignore you more than anything
Because I can’t look in your eyes without wanting to go blind
You were everything once but now I’ve left that behind
You ruined my life once and I won’t live it again
I want to spend the rest of my life feeling alive
And all I do around you is die
And all I’ve done since is fly so high
Die at one hundred times the speed of light

Steambox Bathroom Champions

88 Kids ran away today
Oh what a waste
We should have all headed warning
Before the fire in our hearts
Set this city on fire
Yes we set the city on fire
And we sit in our little rooms
And we self medicate
And we’re worthless
Damn worthless
This better be worth some thing
This better be worth my time
We don’t want to give up our lives
No wasting our precious little time
You propose a crime
You’d better not waste my time
Cause we all have the right to run
Run away from this life
Because it’s better to be someone
Than to waste away here
We’d waste away to nothing
So march on into the sunset
Turn your back on here
We’ll laugh about this in a few years

I, Acorn

I am an acorn
I live in Irving Park
(They say don’t come here after dark)
I live in a tree
This is where I was born
Days go by
But I do not know my age
And the tree that gives me life
Is much much older than I
And on this particular day
As the sun began to set
I realized I was losing my grip
Maybe on reality
Though at this point in time
I do not know what that means to me
And before I was done with these thoughts
I had fallen and bounced on the concrette
Then I came down again and rolled next to a cigarette
It had been tossed there by the people who had been below me
And now they where towering above me
I thought to worry of a squirell looking for dinner
And not until I was dying did I realize
I was stepped on
This human picked me up
And as I saw the end of my time
He ripped apart my shell
Opened up my insides
And he did not eat me
He looked disgusted and threw my guts aside
This is the day that I, Acorn, died.

I went away to Idaho to visit my family and friends, and my friends who are like family, and what not and such and such. Anyway, it’s inspired the start of a project I have been wanting to work on for ever and ever now, the commencement of the writing of a novel. Well, at least I have enough now for a chapter… or at least the first story I’ve written since High School ( I believe ). There will be heavy editing afoot, but if you would like to read and give feedback that would be amazingly awesomely good  and I’d be delighted to send it along your way.

In irrelevantly unrelated news I heard theres a solar eclipse tonight at 2:52 am, so if your up for it, or an insomniac like me, we may be staring at the same phenominal event in the sky at the same time.

They must find it difficult…
Those who have taken authority as the truth,
rather than truth as the authority.”

– Gerald Massey

-please read the following (especially if you were interested in the previous post)

Warning

Of Political Importance

The doctor says in one month my bone will be strong again
And in two months my arm will be back to normal
Can’t push, can’t pull,  no pressure
Frustration overwhelms and I want to yell and yell
So I leave the building
Did not schedule another follow up appointment
It’s a waste of money! I furiously told my mother
He just keeps telling me it’s getting better
And that it’s going to take more time than I can stand
This leads to conversation
It’s not my money
But it’s still a waste!
As I walk down the sidewalk
The rain continues to fall
And as I soak it in
As my glasses become bespeckled with rain drops
I am reminded of how much I love the smell of rain
And even if I didn’t sleep much last night
Or the night before, or before that too
The rain will calm me like a newborn
Calm, but that don’t mean happy
I am far from being renewed
I love the Oregon scene
Even when the rain comes in amounts obscene
This is why I own sweaters and hoodies
Soak it all in and maybe it will take me down
Drown me in the street
Wash away and down through the grates
Hopefully I’ll be home or to the coast by the time I wake
But I know this is all just a hodge podge of fact and fiction
A needy kid sitting alone in his lonely home
The lies are quiet and the truth is deafening
Maybe I’ve been bad
And I’ve wanted to come home
But mom I love this place
And I don’t want to cause more harm

I don’t want to be your target, but I’m half drunk, lathargic, sky high, red eyed and mind blown. Well, maybe I need a cup of coffee. So just do what you want, we all will, we just got to live. It’s all we know. Now passing one a.m. and you’re all sorrows, step out and breathe. Where are we, they ask, look for where the poisen is, we live the best we know how, so go home,get into the clouds and tuck yourself in, it’s time to live life in dream land again, the weekend is heaven in the city of roses, swallow yourself in a haze, you won’t be noticed anyway. Maybe you should try to get yourself clean, but all we’ll want to do is just scream. Well, hey I just want to say, I like it when you wear your hair that way, and it’s always hard for me to get to the point so I’ll spare us all the shame, keep my eyes closed and say nothing, cause I never know what I’m really feeling, in case you were wondering, I don’t know who I am, and I’m not sure what love is, if it’s really anything at all, so I’m sorry, we’ll see what happens after the fall. My stomache drops, twists and turns, I want to curl up, I want to breath smoke, exhale and expire, if only for a while. Somedays you don’t want to take the long way home, it’s cold and bitter on the sidewalk, the wind was cold that night, and I sat by my window, killing my sight, waiting for sound, waiting for something, coughing, doing nothing. Maybe that where it became the end of a night, the last hoorah, oh well, farewell.

Karma + Ghosts

My arm bends and tightens
Muscles at work again
Now I can re-write my life again…
A boy fly’s through the trees
He is missing an arm
He has no lungs to breathe
Life at one thousand miles per second
Pain on the impact
Lie, lie awake, lie, lie away
Floating is easy
When you can’t ever wake up
My eyes they itch
And sometimes bleed
But my heart just sits quietly
In a black shoebox
Pieces of a life now lost
Float to the sky
On makeshift wings
Made out of misery
Made out of I’m sorries
Fly back to the west
Lie down and sleep like the rest

Getting higher annd higher all the time, everyone’s got thier herion, everybody’s found thier way to fly, stay cool, calm and high, generation: soma. Live fast, live long, stay high. Everyone’s got thier story, and ain’t nobdy listening. Death from above the west hills, poppin’ pills, package at your front door, under the table, over the table, and a little bit more, oh, well, let’s just fly to the desert so we can get warm, and then hide in apartments, until this suits been worn. You gotta walk, don’t forget your headpphones, see the skies, clouds spread out and the thin air is getting closer, the smoking is getting to you, your lungs, have found some kind of boundries, you’ve passed, and you never thought, well, just tie your shoes, grab a max, and sneeze to the side, walk away from this trainwreck, a living, walking dream, and nobody sees. Concentrate, concentrate, night school, knight school, night at knight school… ghosts walk the halls, how do you, how do you do… I can’t feel anything, walk right through me, did you hear her scream, I don’t feel anything, anything. Well, now, who is going to take you home, parties over, gotta start over, a new week, four leaf clover, but I lost the number, oh, how the hell will I ever make it home, where is home anyway? Hear the waves, mass appeal, lgith fades away, another day saved, another life gone, ghost in the wind, salt water in your mouth, can you feel again?

Simple is as simpple does, what I was and who I am, a wasted fuck, tell me what you want. Hey, maybe I’m not lost, I’m not lost…. I”ve been named, The King of Strange, it’s not my friends, but it may be what they want, whatever makes me try, make me try. Hey, baby what you want? Vampires in the light, in the ligt? Well I been crowned the King of Lame, not really, but I feel strange when they look at me, baby what they see? Vampires walk in the day, someday I knew it’d change. So lets hit the sky, we can fly, we’ll sure try, now not so scared of the night; bats take flight, say good night, goodnight, fly away.
My eyes are lead balls, ready to fall out of my head; eye lids like iron curtains. Wish I was sleeping, my mind is slipping, I am leaking, oh, tired eyes. Hungry like your mother, mother eartch, and she’s a whore, but did we rape her first?Wait for the worse, got a heavy, heavy thirst. Can you please increase the lead, I’m not heavy enough to take your shame, wrap it on the wall, waitn’ to wake up; call. It’s what it’s likem yah, thats my life, and she said to me, she asaid hey your shoes stick. Well not to me, so I tie a rope to the floor to see if I can get down from the cieling, how should one? And I in this space, I hope it’s not a waste; hey wait a minute, my minnds a-melting?

My eyes can only see now, and they feel like hiding behind that iron curtain… ’bout half an hour and I’ll be home, with a brand new pack of smokes, write the notes, read the sketches, hook line and sinker, what a stench, and my, my, what a mess… where is your head? My eyes my, my, cemmented in rubber and bleeding nerves, oh fuck.

This was a dream, and not just like day dreaming of everyday, the uncontrollable, deep sleep dreaming. A girl I knew was there, she was handing out waivers to people for a sort of small get together she was having with close friends. I don’t know why I was invited, but she started hitting on me and I decided to go…. and I don’t think I can even say the rest right, but I remember  being in a town and everyonen called it Moscow, but it wasn’t the Moscow I knew, and there were abandoned buildings that we sat in and watched the sunsets, and we car hopped and rode around town, and when the night was moving on and we were going to the party, well right before I found out why I had to sign a waiver, I woke up. Fuck.

Unplug the Nintendo to turn back on the lamp, to give you light, so you can finish your work tonight, and write. You’ve gotta come back today, you gotta, you gotta… reality is calling you back today. And I lost the letter D, is it on the floor, or is hiding on a magazine or in a newspaper, or in the trash, certainly not in a book… and what will we do with all the black? Paint our windows and our eyelids, our hearts our bed sheets our covers, our mothers and daughters, all in all; ash.

…and I wonder as I step outside for a break, who stops to empty the ashtrays, every day?

Too much caffeine, your stomachs got you on your side, car rolls by pretty slow, thinkin’ about another smoke. Got a job to do, should maybe eat some food, and wake up early on today. Rubber cementin’ my hands, ca you see what I’ve done? Can you see at all? Car drives in circles waiting to park or stall, lights off life ain’t so bad. Markers and razor blades, a cutting table, your cut from the stage, a balloon like an idle deflates, sure some time it’s gonna rain.
My, my what a mess, what a beautiful display of our black hearts, our procession of dark art, a home wrecking, eyes sunk real low, hearts sunk in oil, a horizon, natures tired eyes, well disguised, may we dance? Positive and negative, positive and negative, a harsh mistress, where are your poles? Where do we go?

Oh summer night, stealing me away from my life, night after night, years going on more, and how much caffeine and music screams will it take to break me, bursting like a balloon, out until I need to wake up. Well, I got a solution when the sun rises and I must arise at t he same time. And it involves many cigarettes on my journey to the pearl.

Oh, I’ve got a true story for ya, a short one, but true none the less. I was walking home and I noticed a giant spool sitting perfectly in the westbound lane of Salmon St. Only moments after I noticed, so had a cop. And before ya knew it there were 3 cops standing around the spool, which was ow on the sidewalk (though the patrol cars were now blocking more of the road than the stool was in the first place). So theres three confused cops and one amused bystander who saw the whole thing. Though, you gotta wonder, where did that spool come from?
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1. The taste of clove still in my mouth, reminds me of drunken christmas parties in my first apartment. Friends of friends and friends of old and we all just mingle like it doesn’t matter how close we’ve ever been before. It’s just c ool to know you, you know? Homework is a grey cloud down pouring all over you. Eyes get heavy, love, love, love sleep. What is there to say today? Fun comes at a price? Fuck that.
2. My, my, my… my mind is mush, but you, you’re a lush, and this is a dream, or so it would seem as I don’t see you anymore. Hold on to that hope you had, but there will be no final touch, I will turn my head and my eyes will close,walk away, say the first few words that pop into my head, let me off this ride, I’m tired and sore and should probably just go home. And you whispered to me something about being free, adn I said to myself something about a flame, well, we’re sitting in the dark, maybe somewhere in the back of my mind. Again I say I gotta go, but you’re mind keeps mine in a lock or hold, pushing the snooze on the alarm, for miles of yawns. Anf I say, I gotta go, time to wake up, ’cause I know where you’ve been and where you’ll go, and you said the same in some sort of code and I forgot to listen the more than you spoke, because I am long gone, borders and boundries we’d break, and I pass them alone, to sleep in an apartment I don’t pay for, getting lost all the time, singing sad songs to keep me awake, baby, I’m long gone, sleeping alone, with friends I hardly know, all these things I don’t really own, closing the door, leaving you in the room, I gotta go, you’re long gone, I’ve got to wake up, it won’t be soon before long
3. Hours spent pissing away, I do.. but I don’t wanna come home. It’s been a long few weeks, it gets hard to breathe, but I don’t often wish that I had died… spend all night filling the ashtray, because home is a highway and I don’t drive anymore. Life is a freeway, you get to caught up in your freedom and you’ll miss your exit, get lost, get down, get out. You’ll never be the same, your home will never be again, well, we’ll fill the ashtray, try to build a new life.
4. Your head is swelling, dear, I say. Your mind is float-float-floatin’ away, oh, lordy lordy, as the ugly cassanova would say, stars don’t give a flyin’ fuck. So we stair, and I think you were thinking too much, I think I was breathing too much, oxygen, atmosphere, thin air, and I could see you there, your head a’swellin’ and my mouth shut tight to keep out the oxygen, wel, well, well what would one say? This can’t be a real live scene, but this ain’t no dream, no. You called me a bastard, and you had sayed that I had changed, but talkin’ on the phone you sounded so full, your head still swellin’ to an orbit, who would put one through this over the phone, but I was bumped up, and life was good, because I actually felt better without you for once. Aw, fuck, stare at the stars, aw fuck, stars don’t give a flyin’ fuck. How the hell’d we get here? How… the hell’d we get here?There is this form of ADHD I believe exists, that effects artists; if you’re not passionate enough about what your working on, it may not ever get completely done, and that, that could be the death of me…. and who knows how literally that could be. Fuck.

   You can’t stop harmony, once that it’s started.

5. Here is a place, it’s been said, you can do anything here that will make your parents feel as though they failed miserably in raising you. If you want t o listen up I may just tell you a secret. Heaven’s unreachable when you’re always on foot. You could rot in a room and no one will miss you. Fear and rage make you feel insane and with a puff of smoke they’re gone, like some modern mistake. What is reality, and what is love? What do you live for and what do you lust for, or do you walk with blindfolded eyes, ignoring the world, and who would care, or bother to say a thing, your just another crazy person in a crazy city, sleeping ontop of a grave feeling something below, no screaming, no, goddamn. Well, can you hang on to the empire your fleeting some name you built misleadingly you can’t float through the cieling there is no escape. They’re doing herion and talking smack, chicks snortin’ coke while they’re men get wasted and they’re leavin, yeah, they’re leavin’ with some cheaper girl. Wll that just shows how it goes, prepare for a showdow, show me what now, who knows, what, now who knows? March march march into the ocean the storm is coming, the storm is coming, saet sail for they, we’ve got to fly somehow, we’ve got fly, show up for the showdown. Guilty pleasures are our sins, do you feel the darkness crawl up your skin? The devil walks the city at night, as the darkness crawls up your skin, you’ll know you saw the devil that time. Ho, ho, ho, a  pirates life for me, we give give give, take take take what we need, I don’t care who you are or we’re you been, we’re on a mission, we’re heaven sent, just a captain and a crew with darkness in thier eyes and not half a soul anyway; can we get back into, our modern lives, well we ain’t goin’ out without a fight, we used to be happy, until our eyes they did see, just how much we’ve lost, goodbye humanity. Siezure, lights, shake, body, sake, turn off the- shake, some, one, before i start to… It’s two o’clock, yeah, and my mind melts, scooby snacks, and I gag, and I, what did you say? what did you say? Well, I lost my mind today, it’s not the first time, but it’s never been this easy, I’m standing around wondering where my life went, maybe I could be happier, my mind, under pressure all the time, but my mind tell people that I’m fine, well I say, I’m fine, well I say, maybe not this time. You could spin around the sun for centuries all alone; it’d all be the same to me, I’m tired of, I don’t want to go back to how it was before, but I will come back again, and I swear (when my words are thin) it’ll be much better, well I don’t want to go back to the way I was before, something can warm and save these pirate hearts, in search of some intangible treasure, this time it will really be much better. Tonight we storm the castle, can you hear the voices (can you hear the voices) and it occures to me maybe there ain’t no crew at all, maybe I’m just hearing voice, maybe it’s all just voices. So I relieved, set back into a slow release, they said, “I can see it in your eyes”, and all I heard where noises, sadness seems so normal when you’re the only one in the room who feels it, follow me, into a place of reaxe, you don’t have to leave, anything you need is free, it’s not hard to decide. Madness, so normal, madness, so normal, sadness so normal, sadness, so normal, where exactly do you get back on the train to reality, I’m somewhere I ain’t never been, a mirror of where I live, in the city, but something’s not the same, it’s like today was actually a new day. The devil is standig on the corner tellin’ my mom he’s got a heart of gold, and the preacherman is there arguin’ “I know the truth!” and they all chattin’ Satan bein’ very nice, and I don’t know who this guy is, but I believe him. Puff, smoke, and life changes like that, a haze shows up in your day or one day it claers and thats when you realized it was there. Life, reality, it’s all fake. Or our conception of it is.

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