Lost Words

Sunburnt Dreams

I awoke from a dream
Sad and remorseful
Just a tad bit regretful
Stopped by her house
Maybe to let off steam
Maybe because I just needed to see her again
We talked and she smiled and we laughed
We caught up on memories from the gap
The time between our first meeting
And the time of silence when I questioned
How my heart could keep beating
And she told me that she missed me
I wasn’t prepared for this
And some tears escape my eyes
She swoops in for an embrace
Holding my breath trying not to hyperventilate
And before I knew it or could care about saving face
We’re kissing with eyes closed
Falling back onto her bed
Making visual prose
When someone comes home and I try to hide myself
We get caught and it seems time to go
But she asks for my return
This cold war is over
Outside I’m a sunburnt shell
Inside my heart thick with ice
It finally starts to melt
And I go to my car
My friends wonder what took me so long
I got caught up in the moment
Forgot why I came here
And how long I’d been gone
Exasperation so I just give them the keys
Walk back up the street
Said this is more important to me
Now the house is full of her friends
I get in a fight with one of her ex-boyfriends
He tell’s me I’m not worthy
I’m just a piece of shit
He throws a couple of punches
I block and barely shove the kid
And you can tell he’s drunk
Because he starts crying
She tells him to leave
When the room empties she is looking at me
She is smiling
She asks me to get for her my special mix CD
One I had made right before she left me
I go running around the parking lot
Up and down the street
Looking for my car
Wondering if my friends are going crazy
Take good care of my baby
As tires squeek I bite my tongue not to speak
When the party moves outside and she come sup from behind
To give me a hug to give me some love
I forget about my mission
My friends hang for a little bit
But she is all I am focused in on
And we head back inside
Our future begins to flash before my eyes
I feel warm and happy and good inside
That’s when these stale tired eyes
Open up
And I’m awake
Another day
Months away from her face
Take a deep breath
Light a cigarette
Disappointment on my morning face

(Where I Want To Be) [Right Now]

Blazing in the sun
On a blanket with a book
Wind in my hair
Smile on my face
You are next to me
Looking through a magazine
You are happy
Because you are with me
And then I wake up

Alarm clock
Snow on the ground
Sun in the sky
Nothing but another good day to die
But it’s alright
I’ll wait out the insomnia
Until I can sleep
Dream that I am not alone
Hope to wake up in your home
But I don’t know who you are

Wake up

Text message
Time to breath in smoke
Let the day begin

Wake up

Life is too busy
I try to keep my mind working
Because all I want to do is dream
Life is too busy
To get everything done
Want to fall asleep in the sun
Wake up smiling at you
And think about all the crazy adventures we could be having
Because I know it’s too good to be true
And I can never get a clear glimpse of your face
And right baout the time I am wondering my fate

I wake up

To find out I am too busy dreaming when I am dreaming
And I am too busy dreaming when I am waking
All I can feel is exhaustion
Fell asleep in your arms
Woke up in a cold sweat to realize
It’s only blankets
And I want to hold on to the memory forever
But I can’t even begin to remember
How I got here
Or when this started
I wish it was the end
Or at least the weekend
So I could have enough time to dream again

Wake up

It’s just apathy
I don’t want to do anything but dream
Lie here almost naked
Feel the stiffness and the soreness in my muscles and bones
Hear the ringing and the messages on my phone
Just leave me alone
I need some time to rest my legs
And I need some place to rest my head
Because if I don’t fill up
I’m going to fuck everything up
Just let me dream
It’s just my mind fulfilling my art school dropout needs
I need the vivid colors
The easily manipulated cast
I need the settings and stories and crazy freaked out scenes
I’ll love you all if you just let me sleep
It’s just a little mental masturbation
Just let me sleep
Just let me sleep
Just let me sleep so I can dream
I am dying to dream

XXII

Life won’t always be what you expect it too, a nd if you expect it, fools on you. Your head hurts, like a trigger pulled, you wish I’d went away. Eveyone congregate, we’ll have make-shift families, hey I know you and you know me, might as well be.

whatiwantwhathewantswhatshewantswhatiwantwhatyouwantwhat

XXIII

Living alone in the big city, a new experience, allows you to experience the highest highs and the lowest lows, all alone. It’s like emotions in stereo. Intangible thoughts on a big screen. Free bottomless buckets of guilt. In a dream a girl hit on me, cheated on her boyfriend, she didn’t know why they were together more and I was there and easy to, ahem… grab. It was only a dream, but what if she was having the same dream… or maybe he was? Paranoia xan be a harsh misstress, but we ignore her often. Just living here is one of the hardest tasks life throws anyone. Living life. Everybody wants to run away some time, but you can’t run away from life, an dyour life is controlled be the things you must do to stay alive. It’s time for another cigarette…. (don’t sweep it all under the rug).
Four kids I’ve never seen before on the roof. I say kids because none of them looked old enough to rent an apartment, not because they were punky kids who looked young, which they were I guess. Anyway, I sat and puffed away at my cigarette and I hopped in the elevator feeling good, feeling far from low. And the elevtor stops on floor 8. A longer ride down. Time seems slowed down. I don’t know what to do next. And what am I supposed to feel when the newsman tells me the dollar is worth less than it’s been in decades, what should I do about inflation? And Government debt? Well, why the hell are we here…