a short story

(the following is a short story I wrote when I was not sober in the middle of the night, so in retrospect it’s not as good as I thought at the time, so take it lightly.)

for your enjoyment

Deep In The Idaho Backwoods
a short story

I was a cop for a while in a small backwoods town in my late twenties. It wasn’t all that exciting, there ain’t as much action in a small town.

One night around one a.m I stopped a guy who had been swerving. Of course I figured he was drunk.

“Do you know why I pulled you over?”

“Uh… no officer, why did you pull me over?”

“You were swervin’ quite a bit back there.”

“Oh, well I was trying to reach this can of AXE from the back seat, I guess I musta swerved then.”

“Why were you spraying AXe on yourself? Have you been drinking tonight sir?”

“Oh, no officer I never touch the stuff, but I do smoke a lot of cigarettes and my girlfriendn hates it so I wanted to cover up the smell before I got home.”

“What are you doing out from home so late?”

“Well I was with my wife-”

“Wife?”

“-uh, soon to be ex, we’re in the process of divorce.”

“I see. Can I have your license and registration?”

“This isn’t the same name on your registration…”

“Oh, well, it’s my sister in law… er, soon to be ex sister in law’s.”

“And why do you have her car?”

“Well… you see I am kinda having an affair with her…”

“That enough, I’m going to check your information.”

Now, the part of this that scared me the most was that this guy was an ugly redneck motherfucker with buckteeth, and surely some were missing. The fact that three women were willing to be sleeping with this ugly mess made me sick to my stomach.

So I made him do some drunk tests. The line walk, the pen follow. He did perfect on the line walk but I lied on the pen follow and told him I was going to have to search his car.

Ii open up the trunk and theres a dead hooker.

“Can you tell me why there is a dead hooker in your trunk sir?”

“Oh………. shit.”

He thrust his arms out before I even grabbed for my handcuffs. I cuffed him and started reading his rights, he stopped me and said, and I’ll never forget this, “You don’t need to read me my rights man, I’m stupid for forgetting to drop that dead bitch off sooner. I totally forgot about her.”

The coroner told me she had been dead in the trunk for a week.

Thats why I decided one day I may lead a genocide against rednecks.